I am often busy. However, I took the day off today for chores and time for myself. I even cancelled a plan for the morning.

I met someone recently, and in the interest of making new friends I went to spend a short amount of time on the 4th. However, when we met I ended up less comfortable spending time instead of more. Part of it was the assumption that I wanted to sit on his bed and talk. Part of it was asking for a hug and then trying to make it more than a hug. Part of it was asking me if I accepted him as my boyfriend, and after I said no, the odd response of “well now you don’t know.” So this morning, instead of going to the gym together like we talked about, I cancelled.

These dynamics aren’t agreeable. If you request an inch and then reach for a mile, I am not interested. We just met. We haven’t even been on a single date; I have no interest in being in your bed no matter how much you compliment me, work out, or offer to get me food. Why is this the assumption? Who or what brings you to believe that I wanted that? Has it occurred to you that I may not actually want what you have? It stinks of reptile and amphibians, feels like illness, and overall seems like I’ll be hearing or experiencing a lot more unpleasantness.

The difficulty also comes from seeing how some women are treated in the past year or so. The overheard or seen while travelling. I’ve been working mostly and my work hasn’t always led me to encounters with folks that I would consider dating. Once someone asked me if I would go for a drink with them, I said I wasn’t ready to date at that time, and afterwards it seemed like I encountered a notably increased number of potential trouble. Why are you bringing up the old private shed on your property and how no one goes out there?

Watching people push for what they want to the point where others seem scared, confused, and generally unwilling is not fun.
The sentiment of you-can-have-whatever-you-want doesn’t seem so appealing when paired with the implication of you-just-have-to-get-it-through-me; especially alongside these contexts.
Wanting to be above people professionally and then withhold or not train properly as a form of exclusion or othering.

Likewise, the dreamscape is not exactly good. I read somewhere that the brain does not make up faces, and that those you see in your dreams you’ve seen somewhere out in the world. Wow, are some of these figures not for me.

“I’ll take whatever you have”
“I’m better than you”
“Some people you just tell them ‘be safe’ when what you really mean is ‘you’re an idiot’”
“You’ll love me when I’m rich”
“I kill”
“Of all the days I didn’t bring my gun”
“See? Isn’t that easier?”
“No legs!”
“No children!”
“I can do anything I want with her!”
“She’ll fuck”
“Oops! They didn’t give it to you!”
“She’ll die for you”
“You need me”
“Hush, don’t tell her”
“You should be working on me”
“Our god is failure”

Some of these were said aloud and in person. The rest are problematically trending in the same direction. References to thieving, taking everything, taking some repeatedly until they’re out, references to violence, death threats, aggression; ugh. I have a new job, but this latest encounter just brings up so much unpleasantness.

I’d rather post about fun things but this has been a rather predominant experience; someone asked why I was single, and wow, how could I not be if this is what’s on offer.

If you’re not interested in a meaningful connection, then no thank you. Let’s not hang out. Consent is required. No need for bad echos.

For clarity: I’m looking for a husband, not a hookup.